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Eve in wonderland

I am writing this blog mainly to talk to you. To tell you I am madly in love with you. But also I am becoming mad...More so than than mad I feel like I am dying.

How does one feel when they realize an absolute truth that they believe like faith, like existance of God, was false. They feeling empty they feel a dark pit growing inside their core, slowly consuming them and simultaneously ripping them part.

I don't know for sure how deep is your love for me. But I ....One side I am happy on the other side I am dying.

Happy cause I know that a part of you belongs to me, dying cause that part is so small that it is inconsequential to you.

I mourned that may 7th not for those message I was and what they did to me. I mourned for the kiss, that smell in your hair. I mourned the feeling I feel when you carefully lay me down by placing a hand on head like a mother does to her child. Careful and mindful, no one has done it for me. These small things are what is left of us inside me, inside the absoulab core that I want to protect.

If I am alive to my eighties or even when I touch century, I'll never forget the taste of your mouth when we first kissed, the sweet taste of familiar smell combined with bitterness of unfamiliar thing made a deadly concoction that eventually lead to the demise of my one true love. No more like murder of my love...You gave me the weapon on may 7 and I am planning to execute it. You probably know it isn't you, that is why you are making the effort. The dates , movies and planning our trips, don't think I don't realize it your guts telling you "she is slipping away".

I close my eyes and am immediately transported to the sensation of touch for the first time, I feeling the pressure of your lips on mine. I was really in shock when that never expected that such a playful being can do such horrible act. Then slowly horror turns into curiousity, one remember that romantic books one read in libraries, then one ventures out to find out the truth. And ....No lighting, no thunder , no dramatic music. But a subtle yet perfectly soft perfectly tender, perfectly ripped fruit presents itself. What can one do, but to take a bite out of it?

Now I realize that is when I started to fall, into the rabbit hole.....

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